Development Heck

Not "Hell", you'll notice. It's not that bad.

I am, however, in on, if not the ground floor, the mezzanine of an animation show in a development process that's decidedly hiccuppy. What astounds me is how averse people are to debating things. They seem to regard disagreement not as the start of a conversation but as a cataclysmic confrontation that must be avoided at all costs.

Thus far, this has resulted in the development schedule being completely suspended once and the Exec Producer declaring that he'd rather have nothing to do with it. As of this moment we're back on track and ideating cheerfully away, but you can't help but wonder when the next  difference of opinion will bring about production Armageddon.

I'll feel more sanguine about this when I get an actual contract... I get very nervous about this smile-and-a-handshake climate that pervades showbiz!

It's alive!

Good God, it's been a long time - a long time in which I've written over 25 TV animation scripts and countless bits and bobs for marketing and museums, pitched and failed, pitched and scored, amended, rewritten, edited, recorded and generally earned a living.

How've you been? Oh, good, I'm glad to hear it / oh dear, that is a pity.

Anyway, I'm going to update this more regularly now. I shan't bother to fill you in on everything I've done - you'll get it by inference.

Watch this space!

Schedule, schmedule!

Have you heard of the "I/You/He" sequence? It's a sort of jokey way of expressing the perils of subjectivity and self-justification. Thus: I am a conoisseur of fine wines, You like a drink or two, He is a howling alcoholic.
And it was this sequence which occurred to me this week when a client company conspired to blow its own delivery schedule apart by expanding the workload it had assigned me. In this case, it went something like: I am focussed, You are single-minded, He is a stubborn uncooperative hack who won't amend his schedule.
Well, it wasn't a question of "wouldn't", it was a question of "couldn't". As in, there's no way you can stick two extra days' work into a five-day schedule on Monday and still expect to get everything you wanted on Friday. Asking every five minutes whether I'd made any progress yet didn't, by some mysterious process, seem to make it any better.
As it happens, I did get the work done on time, by the skin of my teeth, after working late every night.
But will I get paid on time?
Well, you've read this blog before. You guess. Grrrrrr....

Shall Ye Touch Pitch And Be Not Defilèd?

Before I start, please note that I got the slanty thing over the "e" right.

Pitching! Yes, next Friday the Wordmonger is off to Lunnon Town to pitch a museum  script in person, doing all the things the actors will have to do and performing to an audience of clients and designers and producers and aaaaaagggggghhhh.

I'm nervous as hell.

And yet I rather like to be involved in the pitch process - certainly the actual pitch meeting, although I almost never am. It's a chance to look the client in the eye without the intermediation of the production company. That way, you get the straight feedback you need to improve the work, not the edited highlights plus whatever biases the producers and designers bring with them.

I am, however, slightly unnerved on these occasions by something my father once said to me. "The thing is, Wordmonger Junior," he said, "you're like a lot of people; you want to be a performer but you're afraid to perform." and he was right. I know that this is going to be the best way to sell my idea - and I know that nobody else can do it for me.

But I am, as I may have mentioned, nervous as hell.

The answer may be gin. Actually - the answer is always gin. I may need to start asking different questions...

Doctor Who and the Adaptation of Doom

So! The Doctor has faced Daleks, Cybermen, Silurians and John Barrowman's libido - and now he faces the greatest peril of all...Hollywood.
They're going to make a movie of Doctor Who. OK, so it's the Harry Potter I team lined up for the gig, but still...this is my childhood Saturdays they're rewriting.
More than that, though, there's no place for Russell T Davies on the team and that's...just...daft. It was his vision - his blend of terror and comedy and camp and magnificence and tragedy and redemption that brought the whole damn' thing back from the dead. Good grief, they're not using Steven Moffat either, so the film won't have the ability to make me think deep philosophical thoughts and require a change of underwear at the same time. 
This was a franchise revived - sorry, fans of David Tennant and Christopher Ecclestone, but it's true - by writers. Writers just like me, although only in the same sense that sharks are fish just like minnows. I hope to God the Hollywood boys read the TV scripts carefully because, otherwise.... I shall just say "Paul McGann" and leave your quivering, terrified minds to fill in the blanks.
Not a happy hack. Not at all.

They Also Serve...

...who only stand and wait. So said John Milton - and who knew he'd done so much AV scripting? Yes, it's been a while since I posted here but then not a lot has been going on save for the occasional gnawing of fingernails. I mean, I've not starved, but I've certainly dieted. Also, I kind of... you know... forgot to post. Sorry.


Now, however, there is writing happening. There are AVs for two or possibly three museums, an animation bible and pilot script, theoretically six episodes as a production writer on another animation and interesting possibilities with (adopts echoing Kenny Everett delivery) The B...B...C...


And yet still the order of the day seems to be 'hurry up and wait'. Wait for contracts, wait for briefings, wait for payments (yes, that again) and wait, above all, for bloody ages.


Spoke too soon! Even as I type this, my Mac has pinged its e-mail ping and I see that a briefing has arrived. It may be helpful, it may be feeble, it may be gibberish. But you know what it definitely is? It's work. Farewell depression, auf wiedersehen idleness, adieu online crosswords - and hello a return to being a productive member of society.


Now, when some advertising work comes in, we'll know the recession is over. Which reminds me - I must send my book (portfolio, to you non-advertising types) to the woman who runs the cattery we use, since it turns out she also runs a small marketing agency. It'd be great to get some work off her, as it's likely to be the only way we can continue to pay her cattery fees. I mean, £135 for a week for two cats? Puh-lease...


Oh God. There goes the phone. It's another museum client. I'm starting to miss underemployment already. Must dash...

Home, Sweet Home

Working from home is one of the best - and worst - things about being a writer. If you are office based then, these days, you may well feel a frisson of pleasure at those occasion when you get to work from home, but then you probably only do it once a week or so.


On the plus side, my commute is very, very short...about 8 feet, or maybe 20 if I stop off at the kitchen for a cup of coffee. The dress code is very relaxed, as are the break times and refreshments policy, plus I never have to argue with anyone about what goes on the radio. I can look at what I like on the internet, I can feed the cats during the day and there's nobody to shout at me if I decide to stop writing and watch Top Gear reruns on Dave for a bit.


But... today, I am not alone. I have a convalescent son with me, demanding toast and hot water bottles. This is why I'm blogging, not writing the animation pitch I can't concentrate on. And even when I am alone... I'm alone. Sure, I can talk to the cats, but we all know that's just a cover for talking to yourself. I mean, Woody is a 10-month-old crossbred black semi-longhair; when I ask him about vision notes, am I really expecting an answer? No (I should ask his littermate Jake, who's a piebald shorthair and has a good eye for classic cinematography).


The fact is, you go a bit funny, working on  your own. I'm looking forward to this afternoon's client meeting (many thanks to poorly son's grandparents for invalid-sitting!) not because it will move the project forward but because I'll get to talk to a real adult human being.


Discipline and structure, that's the thing. And it's a paradox, because the very advantages that working at home confers - freedom, flexibility, personal space - are the very things that drive you mad if you're not careful.


Thank God I've kept my sanity. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must rally the Imperial Guard, or Wellington will take the ridge and the east flank will be lost. Onward, mes braves!